you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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