Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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