i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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