first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
