I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
