Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
