Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
