I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
