dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
honey bunches of taint.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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