They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
