Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she told me i tasted like america
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
