Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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