i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
