i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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