Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
