Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
