This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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