1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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