I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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