Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
