I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
