Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
