Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
