Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
