He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
