Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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