Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
