you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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