I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
is wine microwaveable?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
