She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I can't turn off my feet"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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