I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
