i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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