She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
