I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You left your phone here
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