What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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