I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
