Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
