Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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