Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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