Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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