I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
