i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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