my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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