normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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