The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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