i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
