it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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