good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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