I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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