Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
