eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
