Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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