Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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