My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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