do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
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this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize