She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
