remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Randomize
