you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
