kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
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For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
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so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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