Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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